Mama Bird

Sophia has recovered from the chickenpox.  She had a very mild case of them.  They didn't even scab over or leave marks.  I kept her home from 'trial' daycare yesterday to give her one more day to heal... or was it so I could have her all to myself for one more day?  In any case, today was her first half-day at Montessori.  I dropped her off in the morning with enough food for two feedings and drove to my hair appointment in downtown Seattle.  (I have been getting my hair done at Halo Hair Studio for a couple of years now and figured since I am going back to work, I had better get my emergency-mommy-hair-cut looking  a little more professional.)  

It was a very surreal experience to be without my little tag-a-long for more than an hour.   I thought about her the whole time I was away.  At one point a fire truck went speeding by the salon with it's sirens blaring and for a split second I thought about covering her ears so the sound wouldn't hurt them, but then I remembered she was not within hearing distance.  A little while later I experienced a split second of panic and had to remind myself that I left her with someone who is taking good care of her.  This last thought was exacerbated by the fact that a couple of weeks ago I woke up crying from a nightmare where I had accidently left her at home by herself and I couldn't get back to her.  

I think the separation anxiety is getting to me right now more than it is affecting Sophia.  This morning when I left, I gave her a kiss and told her I would see her later.  She was sitting (yes, she is sitting by herself now) on the play mat on the infant room floor and she had already found a toy to play with.  She hardly gave me a second look.  When I went in to pick her up, she was jumping up and down in the jumper saucer and laughing like I have never seen her laugh before.  She was thoroughly enjoying herself.  

Ana is the head caregiver in the infant room and she told me that she did very well.  She ate a little in the morning and then took a half an hour nap.   A couple of hours later she took a full bottle and then she played in the jumper saucer and that is where she was when I walked in the room.  I scooped my little baby up and gave her a big hug and kiss.  We were both very happy to see each other.  

As I was putting her in the car to take her home, I leaned over to give her another kiss and in that instant I felt what momma birds must feel when they come home to their nest and realize that someone other than themselves had been handling their eggs.  It was disconcerting.  Sophia smelled different.  She no longer had 'our' smell on her.  She had spent time in someone else's arms and their scent had transferred to my little baby.  Luckily in the human world we can get past this and not abandon our young, but it's going to take some time for me to get used to letting someone else spend this precious time with her.  I love my baby bird.